I need to learn to like myself...
Me, Myself and I
Today marks 2yrs of PTing with the Incredible Hutcho & 2yrs from the first time I heard the words Crossfit and Zone/Paleo.
It is not always easy to see changes even when people are constantly telling you that they see them or the negative side where they are constantly asking why am I STILL doing the strict training & eating. I don't see it everyday. I believe this is because I want more, I want to loose more, I want to be stronger, lift more, run faster and even box jump quicker. I am always looking for more, looking forward.. looking to improve and my mind is so hard to please. I judge myself harshly. So from time to time I take photo's, this photo is a funny one in my trusty everyday (size 38) work pants that I use to wear, I have lost over half of me and I still want more.
One of my biggest goals this Summer was to wear a singlet. I know that I lived in swimming costumes for the first 21yrs of my life and even now can be in swimmers.
People who know about this goal have said 'that's an easy goal' .. 'bigger people than you wear them?' to 'you can do it' and then to 'they only have small singlets that won't fit you'. It was the latter comment that suprised me.. and drove me to ask the question why do I define myself still by others perception? How did I allow social perception and body image to get a hold of me in such a way that I could not wear one of 28 singlets that I have acquired over time to my second home, the Box where I am supported by so many. It comes down to a choice.. again it is a choice to not allow this to define me, paralyze me, put fear into me. To choose to be comfortable where I am and how I am, knowing I am always striving for more out of me.
So yesterday I asked a person I trust to be honest and tell me how I looked in this singlet, she honest and then said the words today, why not wear it today? It was Saturday where craziness happens and you never know WHO is going to come into the Box.. IT'S CRAZY SATURDAY!! .. and then I just said ok today, just like that!
Just like ALL of the other decisions I have made in the last 2 years - I just did it.
It has been over 23yrs of wearing clothes to cover my arms and body. 2 years of building up to it and it just happened without drama, without making more of it than it needed to be, people just came into the box.. did WOD's, I did my work, new people came in. It really was not this huge deal. I didn't look different to anyone else, however I felt different. I felt amazing, I felt freed and I felt strong both physically and mentally.
What have I learnt in this last 2 years is hard to put into words, when I think of the changes with my career, food, family, health and lifestyle. I feel stronger, healthier, happier.. I am putting my health first and starting to fall in like a little, with me, myself and I.
Me, myself and I... sounds like a movie title:) however it is only ME that can choose to push myself harder, it was only myself that decided that I was going to educate myself on what I was going to put into my mouth each meal and I try to be better than the person I was yesterday. I wont always get there but I want to always try.
Why did I wait to wear the singlet?
Is it the same reason I waited to start a 'diet' that turned into a lifestyle.. which changed my life? Hang on, pause that I waited to change my lifestyle that changed my life!!! Is that even logical?
I hear people say they will start on Monday!! They will make a New Years resolution.. in the New Year!
These are choices we all make each and every day.
I strive to ask myself, is it positive, will it add value, what have I got too loose and then just make a choice.
It really was that simple, it really is THAT simple...
The Singlet Revolution has begun and it now time to start to accept ME!
Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.